SCENARIO: You’ve just been in a major accident and are mortally wounded. In exactly 5 minutes you will be dead. The paramedics have already informed you of your certain demise and you have already gone through the Five Stages of Death; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and have just arrived at acceptance. Your family will be well taken care of as you have recently taken out a large life insurance policy on yourself. 4 minutes before you pass a Chinese angel appears above you and informs you that you are not going to Heaven. To your relief, you are also not going to Hell. Rather, you will be reincarnated, born again, into one of two possible lives.
Possibility 1: You can be born into your run of the mill, middle income, American family. There is nothing extraordinary about this family. They are normal in every way. You will have a good relationship with your parents and all of your siblings. You will be, for the most part, happy. But you will remember absolutely nothing from your previous life. You will start life from square one as a newborn infant.
Possibility 2: You are born with every one of your memories intact. Even as a newborn infant, while breastfeeding, you will know who you are, where you came from, what your real age is, and you will be able to think and reason with the same depth you now enjoy. But, you will be born into the most backward, redneck, hillbilly family in the deep Appalachian Mountains. Everything about your family is dirty, weird, gross, and offensive, and there is a good chance your mother and father are blood relatives. Though your diet consists mostly of possum, raccoon, and corn, you are generally well fed and pretty well taken care of. However, you have nothing in common with your family and you will have little to no contact with mainstream civilization and will be completely unable to leave your parents until you are a legal adult.
QUESTION: Which possibility do you choose and why?
12 comments:
Number one because a young Robert Downey Jr. being in love with an old Sybll Shepard is just creepy- Chances Are
I say number one. But only because I don't want to be cognizant while being breastfed by my hillbilly mother/aunt/cousin. Gross.
You had me at breastfeeding.
Oh crap! I didn't mean to hit submit! Um... I was just making a li'l joke there.
I'm seeing a common theme here among your posts. Hehehe...
Um Number two. I would immediately wean myself, then enjoy the adventure of redneckness. Then I would be a child prodigy at two, get on the Oprah show, make lots of money for my family as a child genius, and provide them with a new home, which they wouldn't want, so I'd just build them a modest to-do in their woods, and ship in some cow once a month. And I'd go visit until I could be emancipated at nine where I would then move to the city and start my own agency doing military contracts for the government.
What is wrong with you?
Number 2...I would have the knowledge that I can change my life, that I could be anything and go anywhere. That would be so great to know that from day one! :)
Oh, I get it- The UnMighty just wanted to devise a trap where all of the comments are people saying either "number one" or "number two". It's a big Poop'n'Pee joke!
Hah! With one sixth of the world being Chinese, odds are good that we all would come back as Chinese peasants.
Is the possum breaded and broiled or is it deep fried?
You seem so normal in real life.
I say one because I made out with my cousin once and it felt just wrong. Incest is NOT best. Plus I think possum is high in cholesterol.
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