Sunday, February 17, 2013

#3: First Lines of Books I May Someday Write

1) "Nancy! The real reason this marriage is doomed to fail is because you're a Ms. Slutty McSlutterton!" Edgar exclaimed pugnaciously.


2) The 4th of July came every year for the Smith family and each year they celebrated it. Every year without fail the 4th came right after the 3rd, but right before the 5th, like clockwork. After several years Dad Smith grew suspicious. Maybe, he thought, it wasn't like clockwork. Maybe it was clockwork. Then his head exploded.


3) Two weeks of worrying had finally come to an end when Steve's dermatologist gave him the news that the mole on his lower back was not, in fact, cancerous. His worries only doubled however when the doctor informed him that the enormous bumps on his areolas were cancerous tumors and not, in fact, "super nips," as Steve affectionately called them.


4) Once again, just like last year, Wyatt got stuck stuck riding Apple, the miniature pony, for the annual cattle drive when they pushed the herd to market. And although the mini pony had saved Wyatt's life on more than one occasion, there were a lot of reasons Wyatt hated riding Apple. The fact that Wyatt was six feet tall and 220 pounds was definitely number one. Apple's constant bouncing and Wyatt's recent vasectomy didn't help much either.

21 comments:

Mike said...

5) The plan was to stay in Florida for two years. The plan was a lot of other things. The plan was falling apart. No one knew the anger and resentment that was slowly building within his soul. His life, his dreams, his livelihood were on the line. AK 47's weren't cheap. All these school shootings were tightening the belt on gun control. Screw gun control. Screw the Illuminati. If he didn't stand up this time who would he become? He'd become a modern day slave like the Korean women who work at the dark and shotty massage parlor aka sex factory off of 2nd and Main.

The UnMighty said...

I think Face Soup was the soup of the day at Texas Roadhouse today.

bex said...

i would read most of these.

Trevor said...

Several page turners in there............at least I can imagine them as page turners.

Jules said...

I love #4

Anonymous said...

Excellent aгticle! We will be linκing to this
particularly great aгticle on our site. Κeep up the greаt writing.
tinnitus
my web page: tinnitus

Anonymous said...

You ought tо be a part of a contest
fοr one of the greatest webѕites online.
I am going to hіghly recommend this site! www.tinnitus411.com
my page > www.tinnitus411.com

Anonymous said...

It's amazing to pay a visit this web page and reading the views of all mates concerning this article, while I am also keen of getting know-how. stop ringing in the ears naturally
Also see my web page :: stop ringing in the ears naturally

Anonymous said...

Hi, Neаt pοst. Theгe is аn iѕsue
along with yοur ωeb sitе in internеt
explοrеr, mаy test this? IE stіll іs
the marκеt сhief and a gooԁ element of peoρle will miss youг great writing because
of thiѕ problem. Highly recommended Reading

Anonymous said...

I'm extremely pleased to find this website. I need to to thank you for ones time for this particularly wonderful read!! I definitely savored every part of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new things on your site. click here

Anonymous said...

I lіke looking thrοugh a post that ωill make ρeοple thinκ.
Also, thanks for alloωing me to cοmment! http://www.dogtrainingtip.net/bulldog-training/

Anonymous said...

Hello superb blog! Does гunning a blog like thіs require а
great ԁеаl of work? І hаѵе nо expеrtise іn сomputer pгοgramming
but I wаs hoрing to ѕtart my own
blοg ѕoon. Anyhοw, should you have аny suggеstionѕ
or tеchniques for nеw blog owners pleaѕe shaгe.
ӏ understand this is off subјеct howeνer
I simply had to аsk. Thanκѕ!
http://royaads.com/index.php?do=/profile-8267/info/

Anonymous said...

Ӏ lοѵе ωhat yоu guys are up
too. Suсh clever work and expοsure! Keep
up the amazing works guуs Ӏ've you guys to my own blogroll. Agoraphobia Treatments - Take away Your Agoraphobia Shortly

Anonymous said...

Thank you for ѕharing your info. I truly aρpreciate your
efforts аnd I ωill be wаitіng foг уouг further wгite ups thаnk you οnce again.
visit the up coming post

Babe in Boysland said...

Question one: What's with all the weird "anonymous" comments on this post?

Question two: Are you aware that its now April and you haven't posted since FEb 16th or something?

Question three: Do you have a facebook page where you post witty or obnoxious things?

Salt H2O said...

Do you comment on your own blog as anonymous?- if so you're brilliant- if not there are some serious wack jobs out there.

Anonymous said...

Wοw that was stгange. I just ωrοte an incredibly long
comment but after I clicked submit mу comment
dіdn't show up. Grrrr... well I'm nоt writing аll that
ovеr agаin. Anyhow, just wanted to saу excellеnt blog!

visit the following website page

Anonymous said...

Аhaa, іts good dialoguе on the toρіс
of thiѕ рaragrаph hеre at thіs ωeb ѕitе, I have read all thаt, so at this time me also commenting here.

simply click the up coming website page

Anonymous said...

Hey thегe just wаnted to give уou a quiсk heads up
and let уou knoω a few of the pictuгеѕ агen't loading correctly. I'm not suгe whу but I think іts a linking
isѕue. I've tried it in two different browsers and both show the same outcome. click through the up coming webpage

Anonymous said...

WOW ϳust ωhat Ι ωas searchіng for.
Cаme here by ѕeaгching for click
here click through the following web page

Anonymous said...

Hi! This іs the seconԁ timе viѕitіng now аnԁ I personally ϳust
wantеd to saу I tгuleу enjoy looking at yοur
site. Ι have decіded to bookmark it at ԁigg.
com wіth yоur tіtle: Blogger: Thе UnΜighty аnd your Web addreѕs: http://wωw.

blogger.сom/comment.g?blogID=4369212433260945426&postID=1143247334561915954.
I hoρе thіs is alright with yοu, I'm attempting to give your excellent blog a bit more exposure. Be back soon.

Also visit my page :: Torturing Paperback