SCENARIO: You are the parent of three children who you love dearly and you are loved dearly by them. By all accounts the four of you enjoy a strong and healthy parent child relationship. And like all good parents their growth, development, security, and happiness are paramount in your life. But despite the fact that you feel that you love all three of your children equally, you have admitted to yourself and your spouse that you do not like all of them equally. You have an obvious favorite. We will call your favorite, Pat.
You also have a spouse that you love dearly and their happiness is also very important to you. You have been together so long that it seems as if you know each other as well as you know yourselves. You have nearly everything in common and no longer argue about the few things you do not. Except on the issue of pets. Your spouse loves pets, and grew up with them, and strongly feels that having a pet in the home is an integral part of the American family experience. You on the other hand detest pets. Needless to say you hate the hair, the feeding, the walking, the grooming, the poop, the pee, and the cost. But most of all you view them as an anchor that significantly limits your freedom to come and go as you please.
You have staved off pet ownership as long as you could but it is now impossible since your three children have sided with your spouse on this issue and you get the strong feeling that denying them any longer will cause an undesired rift in your marriage.
So, you concede. One week later you find yourself, along with three beaming children, and one elated spouse exiting your local pet shelter where you just adopted an adorable beagle that they have already named Jasper, after your spouses father who has recently passed away.
As your family is approaching the car about to drive home you are endowed, from on high, with this certainty: You have to make a choice.
Possibility 1: You must line your three children up in front of you and make plain your feelings of favoritism. You will try to assure them that they are all loved equally and that you will continue to care for them equally, but the fact of the matter is you just like Pat more that the other two. You are certain this revelation will have lasting effects on your other two children.
Possibility 2: As your kids and spouse are climbing into the car and buckling their seat belts you must tie Jasper's leash to the rear bumper, jump into the drivers seat, and drag the dog to death. In their excitement your spouse and children will not realize Jasper was never in the car til you arrive home, they all jump out, and together witness Jasper's lifeless, bloody corpse still attached to the bumper. This experience will have a lasting effect on all three of your children and your spouse will be forever secretly suspicious of what you have labeled "a horrible accident" for which you are terribly sorry.
If you choose to do neither or you attempt to reveal your dilemma to any member of your family, you will all die in a wreck on the way home.
QUESTION: What do you do?
14 comments:
Kill the dog. No questions asked. (I love animals, really I do. But I'm not so much a pet lover... I like my kids way more than pets!)
I'd go with a more subtle end to the pet... accidentally leave out some antifreeze for him to lap up like sugar water?
I feel bad saying that, even. I love animals, but I refuse to get a pet for my son, since our 3rd cat died. I love being pet free now. Love it. Besides, I figure he's got one at his Dad's house, so why do I need to go through that all again.
Option 1 for sure. Just work on the delivery and maybe it won't scar them very badly. :) by the way, I'd love to invite you to our family blog but I don't have your email! I promise it won't be as witty or thought-provoking as yours but you're more than welcome to join us on our voyage!
Okay, you can't go with Jules idea becaues what if your favorite child (Pat?) isn't as smart as you first thought and he/she ends up accidentally drinking the antifreeze instead? Disaster.
And BBC has obviously never had to stand in the "favorite child lineup" like SOME Of us...humiliating...
So yeah. I'm with Carly. The dog's gotta go.
Option one. I think all kids know that their parents have a child they like the best. I know my parents do, and I know it's not me, and it doesn't bother me at all.
Obviously you go with option one. Like anonymous said kids already know what kids their dad loves best. Sure it will takes years of therapy for the other kids to feel value, love, or acceptance in their lives... but hey, at least they have the love and comfort of a dog.
Revised choice. You make the kids decide who must tie the dog to the bumper to win your favor. Clearly a child willing to assist in murdering their new dog is the one that deserves your highest esteem.
I thought this was a real story at first. You know, names changed to protect the innocent. I was shocked to hear about Kat's dad....but then I'm pretty sure his first name was not Jasper. Now that I'm over the shock....
I say go with babe in boysland. If you're gonnna be mean just go big or go home!
I hate this game, I want out!
Option 2 all the way, although tying the wife to the rear bumper is also slightly tempting.
I love this. (Kill the dog.)
Why can't I comment on your new House post?! FIX IT!!!
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