Sunday, January 13, 2013

Question 5

SCENARIO: You and your spouse have three children. Their ages are five, three, and the youngest, a boy, is 6 months. One day, just as your spouse is leaving on a three day business trip, your 6 month old son comes down with a terrible flu. His temperature rises to a alarming 106 degrees. Your doctor, who is a genius in the art of pediatrics, tells you there are only two ways you can save your son.

Cure 1) You must put your baby in a crib where you must leave him alone for the entire three days your spouse is gone and allow him to struggle through the flu on his own and under no circumstances enter the room. You may not enter to feed him and all his nourishment will be attained through the use of a gerbil type feeder attached to the side of his crib which he will struggle with, but manage to use. You will not need to change his diaper as he will produce no waste. He will scream for the entire 3 days which will not only wreck every nerve you have but leave you feeling a depth of guilt that few parents know. The screaming will also have a contagious effect on your other two children and they will become increasingly distressed, anxious, and confused by your seemingly calloused alienation of their suffering younger sibling. At the end of the 3 days the illness will finally subside and just before your spouse arrives home your baby will drift peacefully off to sleep. Though physically healthy this experience will leave all three of your children with minor subconscious trust issues.


Cure 2) On the first night home from the hospital you must go to bed with your baby and allow him to fall asleep on your chest and remain there the entire night while you pat him on the back and sing to him softly. The next morning, after a long sleepless night, your son will be fully recovered. However, this experience will have left him conditioned more deeply and fully than even Pavlov's Dogs. The conditioning will go well beyond the subconscious. It will cause a lasting change in his very physiology leaving him conditioned to the point that for the next 21 years, anytime he catches an illness of any kind the only way he can recover, and rid himself of it, is to sleep the entire night on top of you. When he gets chicken pox as a first grader, he must sleep on you. When he gets mono from kissing the wrong girl at a middle school dance, he must sleep on you. Cold, flu, sinus infection, whooping cough, strep throat, pink eye, hemorrhoid, syphilis, etc. The only road to recovery is a night of sleeping on your torso. When, at the age of 21, he has his wisdom teeth out, he must lay his head on your soft bosom, while you pat his back and softly sing the entire night. If he cannot sleep on you, he cannot recover... ever.

QUESTION: Which option do you choose and why?


Anonymous said...

Sick Bessie, sick, sick, sick

Jules said...

While both of these are horrible options, I guess I'd choose the first one, because it's only left a minor impact on the children and trust can be re-earned. I'd rather suffer through short term hell than a long lasting lifetime of it everytime there was an illness. Plus, at some point I think a grown person crosses the line into incest when s/he sleeps on his/her parent's chest through the night.

skcoe said...


Babe in Boysland said...

Your twisted mind has a talent for tormenting mine. This choice will haunt me for years.

Can't I just drag a dead puppy behind my car to cure my son?

The UnMighty said...

That was actually supposed to be my 3rd option. So yes, you can. Drag away.

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