House For Sale

Steve and Nancy were a young couple about to purchase their first home together. Excitedly they drove around a neighborhood looking for an address. They quickly found it, walked to the door and knocked. A nice looking, middle-aged gentleman named Bob, answered.

   STEVE: Hi. We’re the couple that called about the house for sale.

   BOB: Yes, hello. Come in. I’m Bob.

They all politely introduced themselves in the entry way.

   BOB: Let me just tell you where I stand, because I want to be up front. I own five rental properties in the area, and I’m going sell a few because I’m pretty financially leveraged right now. That said, you two have a great opportunity to get this house at a great price, but I'm firm on 260 because that's well below market value as is. But let me show you around and let you check everything out.

   NANCY: Sounds good.

   STEVE: Before we get the grand tour, can I just ask what the neighbors are like? I’m curious because being a law student with a part time job, peace and quiet are of the utmost importance.

   BOB: I doubt you’ll even notice the neighbors. In the six months my wife and I lived here I don’t think I heard them once. Really great neighborhood.

Bob began the tour and Steve and Nancy seemed to like everything they saw. They made notes of a few broken or unfinished things around the house. They came out of the master bathroom and Nancy commented on how much she liked the double sinks. They went down the hall a few paces and Steve asked about a door.

   BOB: Oh, this is interesting.

Bob opened the door and inside there is was a raging frat party in full swing. The room was full of college age guys and girls and they seemed to be fully engaged in enjoying the loud music, drinking, chugging, brawling, contests, and other such revelries. So much so, that none acknowledged, or even seemed to notice the three outsiders looking in on them from an adjacent hallway.

   BOB: This is the Frat Party.

Bob closed the door.

   STEVE/NANCY: The what?

   BOB: We were thinking about getting rid of it before we put the house up for sale but we ran out of time and just didn’t have the money. So if it affects the offer you make, I understand.

   NANCY: Well… who are they?

   BOB: Who are who? 

Nancy opened the door and motioned toward the party goers.

   NANCY: Who are they?

   BOB: I don’t understand.

Bob closed the door with a puzzled look on his face.

   STEVE: The people. All the people, who are they?

   BOB: (confused) It’s… the Frat Party.

   STEVE: Why is there a frat party going on in the house you’re selling?

   BOB: It’s part of the house.

   NANCY: What do you mean “It’s” part of the house.

   BOB: I mean it’s part of the house. The study, the cabinets, the garage, the game room, the frat party. It’s part of the house.

   STEVE: Where did they come from?

   BOB: Where did IT come from?

   STEVE: (frustrated) Okay. Where did IT come from?

   BOB: Where does any frat party come from?

   NANCY: I’m lost. Can you just tell us when they’re leaving? Are they going to be here long enough to do damage to the house?

   BOB: I don’t follow. When you say, “they”, who are you referring too?

Nancy pushed open the door in blatant frustration and flailed her arm around motioning to the people.

   NANCY: Them! Them! All of them! All those people in there!

   BOB: (closes the door and sighs) I guess I don’t follow because when I look at frat party I see it as an entity unto itself; a conscious, living, breathing organism whose collective soul is greater than a sum of its parts. (Bob opens the door and sticks his head in) It is a living thing just like you, or me, or the wind.

Bob, Steve, and Nancy together walk to another nearby room. Bob sits in a leather arm chair and Steve and Nancy sit on a couch across from him.

   BOB: Frat Party is not a random conglomeration of autonomous parts any more than you are a conglomeration of autonomous parts. You are you, working in perfect harmony toward the common goal of being.

   STEVE: Being?

   BOB: Yes, being. I could no more remove your head and still call you Steve as I could remove the head of Frat Party and still call it Frat Party.

The couple pondered a moment.

   NANCY: When we leave, what will happen to Frat Party?

   BOB: Nobody knows for sure. Frat Party has always been and always will be.

   STEVE: Can Frat Party be destroyed?

   BOB: Oh no. Like matter, Frat Party can only be manipulated into some other form of Frat Party.

   NANCY: Does Frat Party know me personally.

   BOB: Nancy, not only does Frat Party know you, but Frat Party loves you very, very much.

   STEVE: Let me see If I understand you. Frat Party has always been, and always will be. It is in our house and yet, it is omnipresent at all times. Does that sound right?

   BOB: (nods and smiles gently) You’re beginning to understand.

   NANCY: (more cheerful) This has been most helpful.

   BOB: Would you like to see the rest of the house now?

Steve and Nancy looked at each other and softly smiled. Without saying anything else they both realized that their level of understanding of all things and their very relationship to one another had just been deepened and strengthened.

   STEVE: (looking at Nancy) Yeah, I think we would.

   BOB: Good. (getting up and walking across the room) This is one of my favorite parts of the house.

Bob opened a door behind which was an enormous conference hall filled with middle-aged to elderly white men, most of which were dressed in business attire.  At the far end of the hall was a large stage. On the stage a gray haired man stood behind a podium with a microphone giving a very excited speech about the future. And behind the man was an enormous American flag that was set to waving with the aid of large electric fans.

   STEVE: What is it?

   BOB: This is Republican Convention.